The narrative of a vindictive person
In all walks of life, you will find that one person, or perhaps a few that hold vindictive personality disorders. It's hard to avoid because many of us are not expert psychologists and have not been trained to see signs in people before it's too late or they have weasled their way into your workplace or life.
If you are anything like me, you always want to see the best in people. You understand that no person is perfect, and that they often are dealing with their own demons that come out in force when they feel that they don't have 100 percent control over a situation.
Their pain is unbearable
A vindictive person has misguided pain. They feel frustrated, helpless, hurt or ignored and are unable to change their circumstances without ensuring that they affect others in the meantime. They don't have the necessary strength inside to find better ways to handle their feelings.
Instead, they lash out and convert pain into anger and seek revenge by taking that pain out on others.
Most commonly, they want to bring others down with them. They feel by using the power of manipulation, they are able to not have to experience the misery by themselves - they can in fact bring others in. They are the core of toxic behaviour in the workplace and contrary to many stories you read, it often is someone in a team, and not the manager or leader who is usually too busy to notice what is really going on.
They build grudges
A person with a vindictive personality disorder builds grudges, stores pain points against themselves and others to justify their feelings. It's always someone else's fault and you will never find them in a situation where they will apologise. They don't realise that they cannot harm others without harming themselves, and not only come unstuck in their personal lives but also in their careers.
If something doesn't go their way, they attempt to intimidate you or manipulate you. They will throw out lines to try and scare you, and if they are in the workplace will deliberately show co-workers that they have power by deliberately not doing what their job requires, or ensuring that they are spending endless hours at lunch and via such mediums as text, messenger and skype to draw you in. They may seem to be making fun of someone at first and that may seem harmless, but the aim is to build a wedge between you and the target for that day, week, month, year.
Once you become a target, a vindictive person will try and destroy you. They need to prove you are the ultimate loser by destroying you. Unfortunately in this day and age, there is the internet - a perfect forum for people with vindictive personality disorders to play out their anger or pain, and try and cause reputational damage among other types of damage.
What they haven't realised is that "anger, revenge, and harassment comes from a place of weakness" and eventually they will burn those around them, and ultimately themselves.
The best ways to manage a vindictive person is:
- Don't buy into their gossip or attempts to turn you against another person
- Encourage positivity and proactive approaches to life
- Disengage with vindictive and negative people - they will only destroy your mojo as well as the person that is their target
- See the signs as early as possible, and realise that there is no place in your life for people like this
- If they say that they have done something vindictive before, stay away from them. They will most likely be a repeat offender
- They will affect your life no matter what, so avoid at all costs.
Remember, often they are looking for attention or for you to be on their team. If you fall off their team, you may be the next target - so beware.
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comments ( 7 )
Sharron
26 Jul 2020Great article it enlightened, me a lot. Very informative.
ReplyNathan Vella
12 Jul 2020im a vindictive person i cant help it... the world is just a nasty place full of ignorant people and a selected few of those people deserve to suffer. Im autistic i couldnt really make friends well i tried but people are arseholes i got a lifetime of bullying and beatings instead because im diffrent and do you want to know what was worse nobody ever helped or took me seriously and they still dont. i didnt want to grow up and turn out this way angry all the time but yeah just stay away from people like me :(
ReplyRamo
03 Jul 2020This guy who i have known a year is a total creep. Looks for me and then finds me. I give him the benefit of the doubt and it all starts cool. I think, feel as if he may havel learned from our last dispute but seems it leads back to an argument
ReplyI tell him that sort of behavior needs to STOP and if he flips I ask him to step out and realize what leads to his pathetic self being. Always seems to be sad or mad but negative and I said to him, " I don't need negative energy or waste energy." And to stay the hell away from me. He smokes meth and that isn't helping him.
LABH
16 Aug 2019An individual that seeks vengeance is an individual that makes you physically sick. They will repeat the same old patterns when unhappy or when seeking happiness. They are never happy with what they have and will try and make you look like the vindictive person. Those who don't explore there minds, will always find the darkness comfortable. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. If you think you can pull something over on someone, without them knowing. It doesn't mean that you will catch them off guard. Revenge is noticable and it's predictable, only if we pay attention. You can't expect anything in return, If you choose to walk down the path of vengeance. Just because we were unhappy, doesn't mean we can make others feel the same way. Many individuals want revenge for what they think they have endured, though have never thought about what they have done. The real freedom, is when we let go and never return. When we allow ourselves freedom, we will never feel pain. Forgive the one that sought vengeance and ignore them. True love and forgiveness gives you insight on the truth. In the end, the truth unfolds. Beware of those who end things, yet keep ties with those they hurt.
ReplyMicki Bradshaw
19 Apr 2019How do you deal with that person if it’s your own mother?
Replysara
14 Dec 2018Sometimes it also work to play them at their own game. They are master manipulators and can spot weakness a mile off.
ReplyCraig Reardon
18 May 2017Thank you Melissah.
ReplyYour timing couldnt be more perfect as I am dealing with someone like this right now (this hour in fact) and wondered whether it was some kind of pschological disorder. You have described the person perfectly and given me some ideas.
Thanks!