Some people never learn - are you one of them?
Have you had the same type of relationships over and over again, only to find that they keep ending the same?
Do you keep on getting the same outcome out of life and still find yourself sitting there on a Sunday night lonely?
Do you think money can buy you happiness and friends when in fact it hasn't?
These are the questions many people need to ask themselves. You can have everything in life, yet have nothing. You can be onto a good thing, but give it up because you have a natural push pull personality and have never learnt how to deal with it properly.
Your business can be going down the same road it was 5 years ago with no real growth and no employee loyalty, because you haven't dealt with the issues and your influence on making your business stagnant.
Perhaps you micro manage and then wonder why your team can't think for themselves.
Being a person with a lot of friends, I am constantly hearing people have the same conversations that they were having the year beforehand.
They break up with someone and it is always the other persons fault and of course they play no part in it. They find a relationship unfulfilling, yet they didn't give 10% of their emotions to it and wonder why they are not over the moon in love. They have a business that just doesn't seem to be getting anywhere and employees are leaving in the droves, but of course it cannot be anything they are doing wrong. Right? Wrong!
As a person who is very in touch with their emotions, I am passionate about everything. I am definately passionate about business. I love it! It is my second love aside from my dog and it gives me a thrill that nothing else in my life has ever done.
I have the most endearing, thoughtful friends in the world. They always are there for me whether I am happy or sad. They support me in so many different ways. I could not imagine how my life would be without them.
I also am blessed with a beautiful family. Each person is so different, yet so special. The bond we have and the moments we share are memories that mean so much to me.
In relationships, I have gone out with smart, interesting men who typically have touched my life in one way or another and created a lasting memory. When I am in love, I love. I am 100% giving and in the moment. I am naturally a bit of dreamer but being a Virgo, that is luckily placed into a box and works to my advantage.
In a business deal or in life, a person who is well-balanced always looks at two sides of the equation. They think about why something is done, how people have come to the conclusions that they have and they formulate an opinion based on relevance, facts and understanding.
To learn is a gift. It is something that we are blessed with and that will benefit us not only as individuals but how we see the world and how the world sees us.
I make mistakes every day in business, but hopefully, at the end of each day when I reflect on the day, I can look back and think of how I could have done things better and handled things differently.
Naturally, I am self-critical, so I am always doing this and I know in the last couple of years, my business acumen and leadership capabilities has benefited immensely.
Personally, I take time out. I look at situations and relationships and think about how I can be more forgiving and understand people and their circumstances better.
Many people cannot do this and I feel really sad for them. So many people that cross my path are stuck in their ways and have no self-reflection. They are always right and the world is wrong. But, I have to say, each one of them, no matter how successful they have become are sad and lonely. They just have a good poker face. Are you one of them?
How can you learn to learn?
From a business perspective, hire a business coach. Make sure the chemistry is right and that they are not afraid to challenge you. Do an independent survey of your employees and clients. Find out how they see you.
In life, think about seeing a counsellor of some description. I love how Americans and in particular, New Yorkers, all have a shrink. It makes sense. You can talk through your issues, how you see the world and get valuable feedback and methods in which you can improve yourself and ultimately your level of happiness. Discuss what you are doing with your close friends. Encourage them to be open and honest with you. Don't put up a protective shield around you - and be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear.
I remember last year having a conversation with a group of my close friends as to why I am single. They replied, "it's simple, no man has ticked all the boxes". I said, "that is ridiculous, I have no boxes for them to tick". Think again. I did. My list was long. Very long. Embarrassingly long. At first, I thought they were crazy. I am not that picky I kept telling myself.
A few months later, I listened. It was true. So, I worked out what were deal breakers and what were not. And now, if I am dating someone who I am thinking about ending it with, I write a list of their good points and their bad points and then I go through the deal breakers.
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comments ( 7 )
Raihan
02 Mar 2012I can so relate to this post. Having so many close friends, mostly girls who pour out our feelings to one another, I always find myself in the situation of being the counsellor or advisor. But when it comes to my own problems, I become lost and seek out their advises. Things just don't look as clear when you're facing the problems. One thing we have in common in drawing up the good and bad points and ticking off the deal breakers, for any situation.
ReplyBrittany
21 Feb 2012It is always useful in life to take a step back and view things from an objective perspective.
ReplyLiving with the mentality that the world is against you and that nothing is your fault is unwise, as you shut of any possibility that in actual fact you are doing something wrong and you need to change for the better.
It's sometimes easy to sit back and feel sorry for yourself, but it will not get you anywhere. Take control of your actions and accept constructive criticism, as this is the best way to improve yourself.
A Belgian
10 Feb 2012So personal in one hand but so realistic for all of us in the other one! I love it!!
ReplyLearning is something I try to improve everyday and even more since I have been starting a long distance relationship... Yes, I want to be personal too!
This said, I recommend the article about the long distance relationship to all of people have ever lived this! So TRUE!
Josh
10 Feb 2012Enlisting the advice of friends and family may shed some light into the things you can't see but the need for views of people who can share objective insights will be of more use, especially in determining the underlying issues.
ReplySandra
07 Feb 2012I like this blog. It is very common today that people talk the same things over and over again. I wish if they are willing to learn more. I like the questing that you suggest people to think about. Deffinetly everyone should read your blogs, Mellisah. Great blog!
ReplySophie
07 Feb 2012I love this article, because it is true, people who don't want to learn and questions about their actions are not interesting to them. We cannot share and interact with them. They think that they are right and they don't accept productive criticism which is key to us evolving.
ReplyAs you said we have to "be prepared to hear things we don't want to hear". This is true throughout life. From an early age when you have to accept your parent's guidance right through to your business life.
Thank you for your blog, it's really interesting !
"Félicitations"
Paula
07 Feb 2012It is hard to see the full picture when you are too involved or too close to see. It is so important to take that time away from a situation and look at all aspects objectively. In life and in business it is important to give your all, that way you will have no regrets and if things don't work out it's more reasons outwith your control.
Reply